We all want more love in our lives. More laughter. More intimacy. More passion in our interpersonal lives. And like the bottle of ketchup on the top shelf, we are blind to what’s right in front of our eyes.
For many years I lived a very lonely existence. Distant relationships with family. Friends who were not friends. A social circle that wasn’t much of a circle. More of an oblong shape than anything. My nights were spent alone, in darkness.
I was miserable because I felt alone and I was alone because I felt miserable. It was a vicious cycle, as the saying goes.
Overcoming this was a years long ordeal and all of the changes that I had to make will be shared in coming posts, but for now I’d like to relate my search for love directly to the Law Of Attraction.
The Law of Attraction is a fickle thing. You cannot force it or bend it to your will. It has a will of it’s own, wherein you play your part. Trying to control it and force the things that you want to manifest is like trying to force a cow to jump through a flaming hoop. It is simply an exercise in futility. When you simply allow it to do it’s thing, it’s truly amazing to behold.
Since I became aware of the Law, I’ve been trying to understand it and know it’s intricacies and how to “make it work. I’ve had on and off success, often with small things. Perhaps thinking of a song I haven’t heard in years, I would suddenly have the urge to listen to a new radio station and voila. Or setting out to find an old friend from a different part of Canada 20 years ago and, through a series of amazing coincidences, finding them living not a few blocks from me. These are just some of the events that have proven to me that the Law of Attraction truly exists.
Now, last year at about this time (That would be 2010) I had managed to get under my control some of the issues that I had been dealing with over the last few years, and now I needed a new goal. That goal was to attract more love. Don’t get me wrong, I was living with my best friends at the time and we dearly love each other. I was looking for something deeper though. So I made a solid decision. Not just thought about wanting. Really decided, that I wanted more and deeper love in my life.
During that time, my13 year old brother was in and out of the local childrens hospital, eventually being diagnosed with severe colitis. It was difficult time for my family, and the fact that I lived almost an hour from them made things even tougher.
Things started to change for me about a month after I made the decision to have more love. My mother had just bought a second house for my sister and nephew to live in with a friend of hers. They began doing their renovations to get things ready and eventually I was recruited to help. Suddenly, I was spending every weekend with my mother, stepfather, sister and nephew. After I moved out of my parents home I began to drift from those relationships when I moved into the city, got a job and began working long hours. It felt good to reconnect with my family after all this time. Shortly after beginning renovations, my sisters roommate to be backed out of their arrangement and so I was offered the suit that we were building in the basement. I was fairly comfortable living with my friends in the city but this just felt right, and so I took up the offer. And so now I was living with my sister and young nephew, only a few minutes from my father and sick brother.
About a month before the house was ready my brother was admitted again to the hospital with complications and severe symptoms of his disease, and within weeks we were told that he was going to have his large intestine removed. And so I decided that I wanted to be there when he got home. I told my friends that I would be moving out within the month and asked my father if I could have the spare room for a time. So I moved home for 2 weeks, was there while my brother recovered and then moved into my new place with my sister 2 weeks later.
When I made my decision, I had been thinking more about romantic love and it took me some time to realize what had happened. I got what I TRULY wanted. I renewed and deepened relationships with everyone in my family. I’ve been watching my nephew while my sister goes to school and I really enjoy that. When a child hugs you with love it’s a really wonderful feeling. I sit and chat with my sister when she gets home late at night and that’s something that we have never done. I can call up my brother and go over any time I want. I’ve even cultivated a relationship with my father whom I harbored a lot of resentment towards. We’ve gone to concerts together and sometimes just sit and talk. I never thought that this would happen. I’ve spent more time with my mother in the last year than I did in possibly the last 15 years. This is the love that I really desired.
My relationships with my friends have also deepened. I’ve made new ones and left behind the ones that did not vibe with where my life was headed. I have really been blessed by love and though it isn’t exactly what I had in mind, like I said, it’s exactly what wanted in my heart.
The universe knows EXACTLY what’s in your heart. It knows what you really mean when you decide what you want. You just have to go with the flow.
Peace and love and kinder surprises to you all.